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Trying

by The Way Way Back

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1.
Future Tense 03:44
I woke up in the future and everything had changed. Made peace with the present, let the past all fade away. Sometimes it all still freaks me out, I feel my old self pulling back but with the help of friends and therapists I've come too far to relapse. So tell me what else can I say? World went and turned, and now I'm not the same. Sunburn on my brain. Everything has changed, and I'm so glad that it did. I nearly drowned in the day-to-day. Everything has changed. I've been cleaning closets and corners where the dread and cobwebs thrive, made Halloween decorations from the skeletons inside. Sometimes it all still freaks me out, but that doesn't mean that I can't thrive. There's nothing quite like a fear of death to make you feel alive. So tell me what else can I say? I did the work, and now I'm not the same. Sunburn on my brain. Everything has changed, and I'm so glad that it did. I nearly drowned in the day-to-day. Everything has changed. Everything has changed.
2.
3.
I saw a silver streak in my hair and started spiraling. I've been thinking lately about what makes for a happy ending. No matter when it comes it's always going to feel too soon. When Death collects you in his snare I hope he takes me with you. Will I have to watch you go? Or will you have to watch me go? I'll want you as long as you want me too. I'll chase you until we're wrinkled and old, and then I'll crawl in the black with you. Now in my mirror there's a person I don't recognize. Who is this tired worn down man? Where is the kid with thirsty eyes? The electric kid who convinced you to let him in. In ten thousand lives how many times would you do it all again? I'll want you as long as you want me too. I'll chase you until we're wrinkled and old, and then I'll crawl in the black with you.
4.
I’m getting too old for this; conversations in my head with outdated drafts of you that no longer exists. I lost track of you somewhere along the way but I still think of you when someone mentions Garden State. I’m driving past your parents’ house wondering if you’re inside too. I don’t even know the first thing about you. You’ve been living your own life too. I've seen you have a couple kids, seem glad you married that optometrist. Do you ever think about me too? When Death Cab songs pop up on shuffle do you wonder what we’d do? I think I’m parked outside of a stranger’s house wondering when your parents moved. I don’t even know the first thing about you anymore. And you don’t even know the first thing about me. Somehow we’re strangers...is that true? Am I anything at all to you? There were so many good times too. What draft of me still echoes and haunts you? Another time, another place if I did my best to retrace the steps I took to find my truth would they all circle back to you? Dear phantom limb I can’t forget, I still feel your fingers on my neck. A paucity of smiles beneath a plethora of thirsty teeth, and every awful thing you’d do I went and did right back to you. Two Jekylls searching for a Hyde, a snake that swallowed itself alive. There were so many good times too. Am I anything at all to you?
5.
You say you hate to be the center of attention. You say it clearly from the stage. You say you hate to be the one to cause a scene as you call "Quiet on the set!" from your director's seat. Could it be you? Camera one closes in as Ockham's razor sharpens; your friends all tell you that you've changed. You said you'd never see yourself become something you hate, so you closed your eyes and just looked away. You say you see yourself as calm and collected. You swear it until you're blue in the face. You've proudly crowned yourself the king of clarity, but you can't even see how you could be wrong mid-apology. Could it be you? Camera one closes in as Ockham's razor sharpens; your friends all tell you that you've changed. You said you'd never see yourself become something you hate, so you closed your eyes and just looked away. When the stage is blacked out all except for the glow of the ghost light how do you see where you're going? Nobody's perfect but it's only fair that you know that all your anxious fears are coming true: you don't just THINK they're talking about you, they're really talking about you all the time. They're talking about you RIGHT NOW. Camera one closes in as Ockham's razor sharpens; your friends all tell you that you've changed. You said you'd never see yourself become something you hate, so you closed your eyes and just looked away. Is there someone else's picture in your dressing room? Is the mirror lying to you? Or did you just let yourself drift that far away?
6.
He said that he thinks I’m a three, whatever that means. Who is he to assess me? I can’t understand what she sees in a man who thinks rules should be used like hooks and strings. Nobody wants to feel figured out but everyone wants to be seen. I’ve finally found a place i belong and now I hope that I can take it with me. I don’t care if he’s sober; I’m not coming over. I’ll sneak through the window when I get home. The people here all act like they’re never going to die so it comes as no surprise they can’t even tell when they’re lying. She says that she’s trying but when she speaks I just hear him. Nobody wants to feel figured out but everyone wants to be seen. I’ve finally found a place i belong and now I hope that I can take it with me. I don’t care if he’s sober; I’m not coming over. I’ll sneak through the window when I get home. I wish time could move slower. Summer’s almost over and I don’t miss my old life in monochrome Maybe you’ll think of me as a supporting lead in your story, maybe in time I wont even cross your mind, but to me, in mine, you’ll always be somebody who changed me. Yeah you changed me, and that was good. And that was good. I don’t care if he’s sober; I’m not coming over. I’ll sneak through the window when I get home. I wish time could move slower. Summer’s almost over and I don’t miss my old life in monochrome. Nobody wants to feel figured out But everyone wants to be seen.

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released May 27, 2022

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The Way Way Back Kansas City, Missouri

Lyric-centric Pop-punk for fans of New Found Glory, Real Friends, and blink-182.

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